We'd like to thank our medical expert for providing some much needed insight on Phil's ongoing injury. We hope you appreciate the depth of knowledge our medical expert has been able to provide....
It was mentioned in a previous post that Phil Wessler, who is never one to complain about physical ailments, is suffering from "accelerator shin." While many may have laughed at this statement, I am here to assure the readers of this blog that it is indeed a valid medical condition that needs to be treated very agressively so it does not progress and cause permanent damage. This condition is generally reserved to people who do excessive amounts of driving--truck drivers and rock climbing hippies who lack overall physical fitness. You see, accelerator shin is actually the beginning stages of the surgical emergency compartment syndrome. In compartment syndrome the pressure in a given compartment exceeds the pressure of the arteries supplying the tissues with oxygenated blood which leads to a state of hypoperfusion and tissue death. In Phil's case, because he does all of the driving and not Brett (someone has to drink the free PBR) and because his vehicle is older with a stiffer gas pedal, his lower extremity is dorsiflexed in an isometric contraction on the gas pedal for extended periods of time. This would be like doing a dumbell curl and stopping halfway through the arc and holding it for hours at a time. This leads to hypertrophy of his tibialis anterior muscle and lactic acid release in the anterior compartment, causing pain, pressure, and decreased sensation along the lateral aspect of his shin.
The treatment plan for this is quite simple. Soft tissue massage by Brett on Phil's shin while he is driving would not only be pleasureable but help increase lactic acid movement into the lymphatic system and out of the anterior compartment. It would also be helpful if Brett drank less so he can do some of the driving. I doubt Phil has the coordination involved in driving with his left foot so that is out as a treatment option. Overall the prognosis for Phil is excellent. If his accelerator shin progresses to a true compartment syndrome, Brett will have to use his paramedic skills and perform a roadside fasciotomy which involves slicing open Phil's leg to relieve the pressure. Hopefully it never comes to that.
For the record, the majority of this post is fictional and based minimally on medical knowledge.
Dr. Brian Bonner D.O.
Medical Expert and Advisor